Ocean City Today

The Web

The Public Eye
By Stewart Dobson | May 03, 2018



printed 05/04/2018


I love the Internet, I really do. Among its many benefits, I believe, is that it all0ws me to diagnose my own illnesses — “Wow, it looks like I have either Jumping Frenchman Disease or Alien Hand Syndrome — alerts me whenever a celebrity-politician-prominent individual goes completely nuts-o or loses lots of weight, and informs me that the word for funny stomach noises is borborygmus, in case anyone asks.

In addition, the Internet introduced me to my new friend, mr.ali@spurious.com, who told me by email that my email wasn’t working. Curious, no?

According to the kind Mr. Ali, I had exceeded my email subscription’s 99-gigabyte limit, but, as luck would have it, I could “Click Here For An Easy Fix!”

Call me a skeptic, but I sensed something might be amiss, because my email bill says I have a five gigabyte limit, rather than almost 20 times that, which, if true, would mean that I somehow topped out at just under 10 million pages of vital information.

This would include urgent notices such as, The GOP/DEM (check one) Party is Lying, Remove Moles Painlessly, Amelia Earhart Is Alive, Chinese Girls Are Waiting For You and Don’t Miss This Amazing Investment Opportunity.

And yes, I have tried blocking every one of these critical updates but they keep seeping through anyway.

That, plus Facebook’s problems, and knowing that friends of mine have had their identities stolen via the Internet recently (probably by Mr. Ali or associates), has led me to conclude that as helpful as the information superhighway might be, it’s also like buying a set of encyclopedias from a salesman who says, “If you’ll just show me where your silverware is, we can close this deal.”

There’s no doubt about it — it’s a jungle out there.

Incidentally, if you hear from Mr. Ali, take it from me: I don’t think he’s completely on the up and up.

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