Ocean City Today

Tired, vexed and texted

By Stewart Dobson | Jun 22, 2017



printed 06/23/2017


Here’s where my thinking is taking me these days:

We had Obamacare, we’re about to get Trumpcare, and are heading into Idon’tcare.

I’m so tired of hearing people denouncing and defending things these days, that I’m beginning to wonder if today’s youth might have it all figured out: if you’re not paying attention to anything but your phone, then nothing bad can be happening.

When I say not paying attention to anything, I mean anything at all, as if they have been drawn, like the Tron character, into the circuitry of their devices.

If I were them, I’d be afraid to turn off the phone for fear of jeopardizing my existence.

There I’d be, zipping around inside the phone on a cloud of electrons, when the outside me (sort of a physical world place-holder me) inadvertently hits the off switch. “Yow! I’m melting, I’m melting.”

It wasn’t that long ago that I saw a kid splayed out on someone’s lawn in the neighborhood and began to understand that something extraordinary might have taken place.

“Say, officer, is that kid over there passed-out drunk?”

“Nah, he just turned off his phone and … poof!”

And they say police don’t have a sense of humor.

Anyway, there is proof that the current generation of youth has taken up residence in the dimension between the pixels and the processors of their phones.

According to a recently released government survey, U.S. teens are having less sex now than they did 30 years ago, and the number continues to decline.

And I think we know why. Even though they’ve figured out how to drive a car while using the phone (Stop it!), they aren’t engaging in hanky-panky because they have yet to figure out how to do that and text at the same time.

“Tappy tap, tap tappity tap, tap ... (Where are you? I was thinking that maybe we, um, could….).”

“Tappy tap, tappity, tappy, tap, tap, tap … (I’m sitting right next to you, but no, I’m too busy texting you).

That’s a good thing that they’re staying out of trouble in that regard, although there will come a time when we will need them to become more engaged in society.

We older folks are using up our supply of bad things to say about each other, so we’re going to need all the help we can get.

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