Ocean City Today
https://oceancitytoday.villagesoup.com/p/1670386

Various short subjects

THE PUBLIC EYE
By Stewart Dobson | Jul 20, 2017

 

 

printed 07/21/2017

 

Numerous things need attention this week and none of them, unfortunately, are related beyond one small similarity: they either annoy me or remind me of things that annoy me.

I know something about annoyances too, having worked at being annoying, myself, for many years.

Admittedly, I have been trying to be better about that, with moderate success. For instance, it’s one thing to smart-off from time to time and it’s another thing to be dumb-rude, as were the dipsticks sitting behind me at a recent concert in Delaware.

I have never understood how someone can pay 50 bucks for a concert ticket and then jibber-jabber throughout the entire musical event and ruin it for those around them.

“Excuse me, sirs, but don’t you have some knitting needles to stick in your pointy heads or something?”

I wanted to say that, but was held back by my wife, who advised a more cautious approach.

“Hey, you (proctologist slang), knock it off!”

She’s much better than I am in social situations.

***

In other annoying news, cell phone service contractors Crown Castle, the outfit that’s erecting the semi-tall, upright thingamajigs on the Boardwalk, informs us that we were in error when we called the aforementioned thingamajigs “cell phone towers.”

They are, we are told, to be referred to as “small, discrete nodes.” Yeah, well my dog had small discrete nodes, but had them removed as a puppy.

I swear I’m trying to get better, so let me start over.

A tower, according to Merriam-Webster, is “way tall” as opposed to a pole, which is “not way tall.” This also would be different from a stanchion, which is “sorta short, but not always.”

Another difference is that a tower can tower over things, while a pole cannot, for some reason peculiar to the English language, pole over things.

A node, by the way, is “a point at which subsidiary parts originate or center.”

Incidentally, my dog didn’t think they were all that “subsidiary.”

No, really, I’m stopping.

***

Finally, news comes out this week that researchers have concluded that humans, had there been any at the time, could have outrun a T. Rex, whose top speed is now considered to be 12 mph.

What they really meant to say was they could have been outrun by humans under 40, judging by the trudging I’ve seen in and around the highway.

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